My Marriage Is Still Blossoming at almost 20 Years

Today, as I am often wont to do lately, I found myself analyzing my actions, and feeling an overwhelming rush of gratitude for what has taken place in my heart, and thus, in my life.

Early in my marriage, I used to get frustrated because my wife never seemed to have time for me, she was so busy with the day to day things that were important to her and by the end of the night, so often she seemed too tired to even acknowledge my existence, much less that I had needs.

One day she said, you know, if you want more time with me, you could help me get my list done. Now, it did not occur to me all at once, the simplicity of what she was suggesting, and for many years, my sole object in doing any chores, washing laundry, doing dishes, cooking dinner, was so she would have more time with me. I know, duh, still being selfish, even while serving.

The change was so gradual that I hardly noticed it, but I went from just doing those things for more time with her, to the next level, which was because she always had the same response, and it was always more or less, a swooning of appreciation, like I had handed her a dozen roses or something. So nice, all that for way less than the cost of a dozen roses, which I have also done randomly along the way, never just when society says I should but so often for no apparent reason, that she truly did get the message, "I am in love with you."

Backtrack to the beginning for a moment, Holly and I met on a chilly Friday night in October of 1989, at a Single-Parent support group sponsored by our church. She had two kids, 6 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old son, and I had two sons, 4 yr old and 2 yr old. Well, we met after waiting for each other to finish some side conversations, and my 2 kids were running around the flower planters while we talked. We talked into the night while my kids slept in the car, and finally went to Pioneer Park in Mesa, for a couple more hours. We had a short, but full-of-romance courtship over the next few days, I proposed to her on Sunday, and we married at the Mesa JOP on Thursday. We then married a year later in the Temple there in Mesa. Long Story, some other blog.

We started out busy, and Holly went from single mom with two kids and a foolproof system, to instant family of six. Our first of three more children came almost to the day 9 months later. We have about completely raised 7 kids, 3 are still at home with occasional short stays by two others, and though it has been no walk in the park, we've had lots of those too.

What has kept us together is nothing profound, but it is worth mentioning here. We have Loved each other through many years, weekly dedicated time to nurture our marriage. We have had a dedicated church life, hardly ever have we missed a Sunday at church, and we live our religion all week long, with Family Home Evening on Sunday or Monday night schedules permitting, and we have on countless early mornings or late nights, sat around reading from the scriptures as a family, or as many as could be there.

Well, anyway, all that to say this; I am lately working from home, and find myself doing a lot of loads of dishes and cooking and even laundry as I see it piling up, and I realized today that while I still get quite a charge from her googoo eyes and warm hug when she sees I have done all this stuff while she was gone, I realized, I do it now, mostly because I see it needs to be done. It is so weird, because I don't know where along the way it happened, but I tell people lately, our marriage works so well because I have been domesticated, and believe me, it does work well, no complaints ;)

The other day she almost teared up and said I am her hero, and I have to say, I felt it, and it felt great to be told that after almost 20 years of marriage. Marriages do not get here on accident, but there are still so many people who think that love is a noun that you can fall into or catch or worse, lose or fall out of. It is definitely a verb that must be nurtured and kept safe. Love is one of those few treasures that only grows when it is given away with no thought of return.