Show Me Thy Friends...

And I will tell thee who thou art. It is an age old adage, but it is so true, whether because we tend to hang around people who help us feel better, and are like us, or because we tend to gravitate our own behavior and thoughts to the level of those around us, so it is a self-feeding cycle.

At a recent meeting about making some necessary changes in our lives, the speaker, Garrett Gunderson, author of Killing Sacred Cows was asked a question about how do we change the way we think about things, to get off the self-defeating cycle we are on sometimes, and his response was so powerful. He asked the man back, "who do you spend most of your time with?" The man's answer was what started the wheels turning on this blog entry.

He said, "sure, I get what you're saying, I should spend time around better people, but how do I do that when the people I live around are all in the same boat?"

Garrett's answer was one that I will expand upon here because I feel it is central to where I am now, and where I am heading in my life. He said roughly, "you will usually have to pay for your mentor, for their time, and for their wisdom."

Not so long ago, I was hanging out in the lunchroom at work joining in the moaning about how life is taking so much from us, and what's not fair and yada yada. I have learned that 1) finding a direction and 2) going for it, is best accomplished by the third best advice, which is 3) find someone who has been there, or is there now, and serve them, so you can be close.

I did not say latch on, because we do not want to become a dead weight in their lives, and not all people who are where we want to be, are interested in taking on apprentices, so offer services, be creative, and be willing to do stuff for no pay, just to learn. Ultimately we should expect to give more in monetary value than we take, though most of the time, the benefit will far outweigh the cost.

Networking groups exist in so many forms, and in so many places that it is really a super place to start looking for like-minded people who are not only moving in the same direction, but in most cases are willing to support others doing the same and in some cases, will trade or barter services, or advice, or any number of methods that can help lend focus and momentum to your direction.

It is also true, if you always do what you've always done, you will always have what you've always had. Change little habits every day, or at least every week, starting with the obvious things that are not helping you get where you want to go, like excessive TV time, and having a complaining or whining attitude when things don't go your way. This process takes time, but it takes a lot less time, when you are learning from someone who has been where you want to be, and is willing to help shorten the learning curve.